Spooky Things

Happy Halloween! I’m one glass in to a bottle of white, so things could get real around here pretty fast.

Like I said in my last post, I would shre with you the scariest thing of all.

Mother-daughter bonding. Some have mastered it, some still strive to get past “For the last time, I don’t like girls. Jesus!” My mother and I fall into the former.

Case in point; has your mother gone to see Rocky Horror Picture Show with YOU lately? Did she laugh when a young man in a corset deep throated a banana or when your fiance pulled down a girls panties and ran like his balls were on fire?


That’s because your mom is lame and has never sat in her dorm room and watched the walls breathe.

Between Rocky Horror, Jason and my anniversary, and the Scenic Drive (like a fall festival with Grandma made handicrafts and carnival food) Halloween gets lost in the shuffle and by the time it arrives I have no plans except to drink and watch horror movies on the couch in my underwear. And it is around this time that I have brilliant ideas for costumes! This year, I bring you…


1. Zombie Jesus.
Dress as Jesus. Add zombie make-up. Stumble around moaning “Eat me, EAT ME!” while throwing Ritz crackers at everyone. Stigmata optional.

2. Mormons
Dress in white, carry bibles. Bonus points for blonde wigs. Ask people to if they would like to hear the good word. Extra bonus points for quoting The Book of Mormon: The Musical. Watch people awkwardly smile and back away while they try and figure out f you are kidding or not.

3. Santa
Scare the shit out of little kids, making them think that you are checking up on them and updating the naughty list.  Instruct them to leave beer and pork rinds this year. Good opportunity to get hot chicks to sit on your lap and ask if they are “naughty”

Remember, the best part about Halloween is the discount candy the day after!






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